"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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