apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
