I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We need to get me chipped asap
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
