I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
