Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
