Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
