At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
