she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
