i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Randomize
