you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
