We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
