are you still at the devil's house?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
