i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
