This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
