I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
