just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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