oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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