What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize