Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
