tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
