I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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