I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
one two three fourrrrnication!
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
