i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Sober January is a disaster.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize