And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
