And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
