Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Randomize
