his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
