I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
