Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
