I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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