Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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