and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
