big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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