trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
