does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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