I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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