If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
