I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
