So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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