I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
