I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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