Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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