Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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