ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i drank out of a bidet.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
