Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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