Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
