Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
