im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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