I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
