Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
