Whod you bang
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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