Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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