I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
