What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
