i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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