you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
where are you?
Hypothermia
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
