We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize