yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
