Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
