had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
