he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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