there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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