you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
