I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Found the puke drawer
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
