I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
