I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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