what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
