How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
