I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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